Something is not right...

Gooooood evening....

I've been very jumpy lately. There was a recent death of a deacon in my church last week that pretty much shocked everyone which only added to my jumpiness. On top of that, I've been very forgetful. Like...I'm not that great on a regular basis but if y'all could have seen me leave my last bass lesson (which I need to start taking more seriously because I STILL SUCK AT IT) you would have been scratching your head. Smh. I think it took like 5 go rounds for me to actual gather all my equipment in its entirety to LEAVE?? Horrible. Two days ago I went to get my emissions done but I needed to pay for my tags. I went to the DMV (or whatever its called now in Georgia) trying to do that. Not the tag office. -__- The lady at the desk [who was super pretty and had a bomb twa] was giving me the CRAZIEST looks during the convo...which I remember mixing up tags and license and what my intentions were and being in a complete fog. After that I left the DMV in a blur I ended up at Ulta, bout a few things and ended up sitting in the parking lot for like 15 mins in silence. Like...what. Add to that my car being Crazy with mystery squeaking and grinding it only ADDS to me being jumpy. I already don't like driving other people's cars. So if I feel like I'm gonna die in My car that only makes everything worse. I feel like i did after a car backed into me...like low key PTSD. But Why? I might blank out at work trying Not to imagine a close friend or family member in the same situation as my patients. I dont think a break at this point would do much since I have nothing to do on my days off...if I'm always off work. The wedding planning is still at the beginning stages but I need a venue and a caterer I can afford!!!! I don't want to have a boring wedding with only family and family friends. I need My friends there. I don't want to be twiddling my thumbs looking around at me and my fiancé 's fam uninterested. Receptions cost way too much for that. Too Much. Nevertheless, I'm still trying to trim down the list unsuccessfully. I want to leave home and travel but I like my coworkers and it might not be the best thing right before the wedding. BUT getting a new job would at least up my pay so I can help pay for a few more things no? Or at LEAST be able to pay for some post wedding things. We still gotta live after that Somewhere. Where that place is, idk yet. People keep asking...I don't know. I'm gonna miss the kids in my children's choir. A. Lot. We have so much fun in there. Kids are SO MUCH BETTER than adults. Smh. At least I can get frustrated with them not knowing their parts and know that the average age is 9. Adults? Horrible. Smh. I'm going to miss my new (but kinda old) Oakwood friends that migrated to my church after Knight came.I'm going to miss my play brothers and sisters. I'm going to miss friends that I don't even remember meeting since I've known them So Long. I guess I'll still be a drive away. Its not the same though. When I left HSV and came back to visit my friends it just wasn't the same. But they may have been a little skewed since some of my 'friends' were just plain...*ahem* Selfish Fakers. I left with little to no fanfare and it was a little disheartening. Thank God for a well intentioned, transparent friend [that I'm now betrothed to.]

Ugh. I'm done for now. I am not rereading this to proofread right now. Sorry. I know there are coma splices and foolishness everywhere. Don't care.

I'm gonna finish cleaning up my room. Maybe that will help me clear my mind. And maybe I'll practice my bass. *blank stare*


A Dios.